Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
