Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
