Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
