And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize