Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my being single is dangerous.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
