Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
