im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
