Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
