i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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