what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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