I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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