soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
