the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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