White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
