The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
