you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
