party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
