Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
