That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize