Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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