can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize