I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
