can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
