I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
