If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
