I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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