I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
