Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
