How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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