I faked an abortion last night.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
