so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
