apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My life is pants optional.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
