I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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