Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will be naked everywhere
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
