It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
