wakey wakey hands off snakey
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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