i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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