we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
