Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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