I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
