time to smoke my breakfast
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
