WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He? As in you personified your dick?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
