I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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