I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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