I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
