Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
