wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
