i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
