I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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