If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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