I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
