Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
