i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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