Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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