Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is wine microwaveable?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
