I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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