I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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