you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
