they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
