There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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