Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We're too hungover to prance.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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