So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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