and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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