he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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