And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
