Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
