I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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